We spent the morning and part of the afternoon out and about. The boy and I got up and went to Perkins for pie for breakfast and then he and Jac and I went downtown. We went to a couple museums and drove around a bit before we were exhausted and headed home. It was calming and relaxing, the kids played together a bit and were pleasant to each other, they get closer with each hurt that comes their way. Even Kyra has grown closer to her siblings with the latest onslaught of painful interactions.
I came home and cleaned up the kitchen after having not done dishes for a few days (dishwasher is on the fritz, makes me very sad...I hate hand washing >.<). It is still not completely done but it's getting there.
The kids and I have settled into a nice routine and I'm happy for that. However, the stress level in my heart is starting to peak and it's not good. I'm worried about bills and making ends meet, I'm worried about Christmas and the new year. I'm worried about a lot of things. I know worry doesn't add minutes to a day and I know God is in control but that doesn't stop the panic that is building inside me. I need to breath and take more time with Him...good thing that time is one thing I seem to have plenty of right now ;)
~Dwyn
So here I am, unemployed, trying to figure out where my money will come from, trying to figure out how I will keep my kids in clothes and shoes and in our amazing home. While I do that God reminds me that He will supply my needs, that He brought my little family back together - that's right, I have all three kids living with me again.
I am contemplating a few things - one will be getting this blog going again; another is stepping out of my comfort zone and contacting people about starting the coffee shop; another is selling Mary Kay for real. I'm a consultant but I haven't really put it out there to sell to people.
Soon I will share a few poems that Jac has written, she is the exact same age as I was when we were forced to write poetry for school and I dug my heels in and refused to do it until my teacher sat down and practically held my hand while I wrote out my first poem. I have watched her do the exact same thing the last two weeks, it has been amusing. Now, she (like me) is addicted and very excited to get her thoughts out there on paper and make it sound so amazing.
I need some hand holding, I need some accountability partners, I need someone to text/call/facebook/comment on me and remind me that God is in control and that I'm supposed to be getting my stuff together for the things I want to do rather than playing facebook games because it all seems so overwhelming.
How does that sound?
~Dwyn
I am contemplating a few things - one will be getting this blog going again; another is stepping out of my comfort zone and contacting people about starting the coffee shop; another is selling Mary Kay for real. I'm a consultant but I haven't really put it out there to sell to people.
Soon I will share a few poems that Jac has written, she is the exact same age as I was when we were forced to write poetry for school and I dug my heels in and refused to do it until my teacher sat down and practically held my hand while I wrote out my first poem. I have watched her do the exact same thing the last two weeks, it has been amusing. Now, she (like me) is addicted and very excited to get her thoughts out there on paper and make it sound so amazing.
I need some hand holding, I need some accountability partners, I need someone to text/call/facebook/comment on me and remind me that God is in control and that I'm supposed to be getting my stuff together for the things I want to do rather than playing facebook games because it all seems so overwhelming.
How does that sound?
~Dwyn
I have decided it's time. I will spend a bit of my free time over the next few months or whatever it takes to begin putting the pieces together to open my coffee shop, the critics be damned. I have another project to work on tomorrow before I can start going back over my business plan and determine what needs to be added still and such. On Wednesday I go to job center for a class on how to start your own business. I am going to hook up with a few other business initiative type places who can help me on the right path.
I will need support, I will need people to keep their yaps shut if they think I'm stupid for doing this. However, if you have constructive criticism PLEASE SHARE! If I give details and there's something awry, help me out! <3
I appreciate you all!
I will need support, I will need people to keep their yaps shut if they think I'm stupid for doing this. However, if you have constructive criticism PLEASE SHARE! If I give details and there's something awry, help me out! <3
I appreciate you all!
I had a simple, family centered wedding 14 years ago today. It was based on the idea that we loved each other so much and we were ready to do it and we didn't need anything big and over the top.
I didn't realize then that it was all a lie. There was very little love involved. I know that now and I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and smarter.
God willing I'll find real love sometime, if not I've got Jesus to love on me.
I didn't realize then that it was all a lie. There was very little love involved. I know that now and I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and smarter.
God willing I'll find real love sometime, if not I've got Jesus to love on me.
8 days ago at 2pm I was nervously rocking in a chair. The judge was going through various aspects of our paperwork, the guardian ad litem was adding his two cents where necessary even though he didn't actually take time to get to know our family and my ex was sitting next to me as we swore an oath to no longer be Mr. and Mrs. I didn't cry, I didn't laugh, I don't know that I even felt anything other than the heat from the sunny day.
7 days ago I took Little Man to get cavities filled and to use his savings to buy his skateboard. I remember being around for all these things but I don't know that I was involved with anything except shock.
6 days ago I found myself alone because the boy and Kira, the 14 y.o., had gone for a long walk together. I think that allowed things to start to sink in and I sank down to the floor and cried. I mourned, I sobbed, I pleaded with God that I couldn't handle all this alone and finally, I breathed. I sat up and looked around and realized I am doing it. I had posted earlier on fb that I didn't know how single moms do it and a dear friend pointed out that I AM doing it. While my head knows this, my heart is still freaking out.
5 days ago I had my first state job interview, yes on Friday the 13th. Better yet it was at a prison. Thankfully, it went smoothly and I walked away wishing I had gone in really wanting the job because I came out wanting it and not sure I put enough effort into it to get it.
4 days ago was the start of my first weekend with all three post-divorce. It went smoothly, it went well, I came out the other side going, "yeap, I CAN do this." There was sibling crap but that's expected. Of course, the ex had to drop a bomb that night, he has decided he doesn't want to pay his portion of uninsured costs. That he pays for the insurance so therefore, he can get away with not paying anything else. He was cruel in his messages, telling me that I should instill better dental health in my children than I have had throughout the years. Never mind that I have bipolar disorder and with that comes lovely side effects such as terrible teeth because you crave sugars and carbs and have no energy to go brush your teeth half the time.
3 days ago, he was fine again. I decided that my ex PMS's worse than any female I know. I came home from dropping off Jac and breathed some more. I had made it through intact.
2 days ago, I had a migraine from all the sunshine. My depression had been worsening and when that happens, sunshine gives me migraines, even my body wants the weather to cooperate with my moods.
1 day ago I did some driving with Little Man, talked to a few friends and just did some hanging out.
Today, well. I had an interview with the Department of Public Instruction that I was well prepared for and I feel like I did well. I came home and listened to a couple podcasts from a church in the area that I have heard good things about and cleaned the kitchen. I also made Jac a blanket and got the material to make one for Little Man and a friend's son who turns 1 in August. I have material to make one for Kira but I have to wait for her to find the shredded remains of her old blanket that she wants me to stitch into her new one. I also decided it was time to blog again. I haven't worked since mid-May and there's no reason for me to not have been blogging, no reason for me to not be taking pictures, no reason for me to be hiding from the world. Except there is, it's what I do. I'm comfortable in my shell, comfortable avoiding everyone because I have no tolerance for people's insincere crap, their half-hearted hypocrisy and their selfish desires. Even a lot of Christians I know have their own agenda and if you don't fit nicely on it then you are in the way. I'd still like to open my coffee shop but there are so many unanswerable questions and I have no money and not very good credit so I don't even know where to start with it. I may yet still but for now it's back burner'ed.
Tomorrow is another easy day, I pick up Jac so she can have surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids and then she'll stay here for the next week to recover.
Friday is surgery day. I am asking for prayers for my sweet child to make it through with no complications and little pain and easy recovery. No I don't ask for much at all :D
7 days ago I took Little Man to get cavities filled and to use his savings to buy his skateboard. I remember being around for all these things but I don't know that I was involved with anything except shock.
6 days ago I found myself alone because the boy and Kira, the 14 y.o., had gone for a long walk together. I think that allowed things to start to sink in and I sank down to the floor and cried. I mourned, I sobbed, I pleaded with God that I couldn't handle all this alone and finally, I breathed. I sat up and looked around and realized I am doing it. I had posted earlier on fb that I didn't know how single moms do it and a dear friend pointed out that I AM doing it. While my head knows this, my heart is still freaking out.
5 days ago I had my first state job interview, yes on Friday the 13th. Better yet it was at a prison. Thankfully, it went smoothly and I walked away wishing I had gone in really wanting the job because I came out wanting it and not sure I put enough effort into it to get it.
4 days ago was the start of my first weekend with all three post-divorce. It went smoothly, it went well, I came out the other side going, "yeap, I CAN do this." There was sibling crap but that's expected. Of course, the ex had to drop a bomb that night, he has decided he doesn't want to pay his portion of uninsured costs. That he pays for the insurance so therefore, he can get away with not paying anything else. He was cruel in his messages, telling me that I should instill better dental health in my children than I have had throughout the years. Never mind that I have bipolar disorder and with that comes lovely side effects such as terrible teeth because you crave sugars and carbs and have no energy to go brush your teeth half the time.
3 days ago, he was fine again. I decided that my ex PMS's worse than any female I know. I came home from dropping off Jac and breathed some more. I had made it through intact.
2 days ago, I had a migraine from all the sunshine. My depression had been worsening and when that happens, sunshine gives me migraines, even my body wants the weather to cooperate with my moods.
1 day ago I did some driving with Little Man, talked to a few friends and just did some hanging out.
Today, well. I had an interview with the Department of Public Instruction that I was well prepared for and I feel like I did well. I came home and listened to a couple podcasts from a church in the area that I have heard good things about and cleaned the kitchen. I also made Jac a blanket and got the material to make one for Little Man and a friend's son who turns 1 in August. I have material to make one for Kira but I have to wait for her to find the shredded remains of her old blanket that she wants me to stitch into her new one. I also decided it was time to blog again. I haven't worked since mid-May and there's no reason for me to not have been blogging, no reason for me to not be taking pictures, no reason for me to be hiding from the world. Except there is, it's what I do. I'm comfortable in my shell, comfortable avoiding everyone because I have no tolerance for people's insincere crap, their half-hearted hypocrisy and their selfish desires. Even a lot of Christians I know have their own agenda and if you don't fit nicely on it then you are in the way. I'd still like to open my coffee shop but there are so many unanswerable questions and I have no money and not very good credit so I don't even know where to start with it. I may yet still but for now it's back burner'ed.
Tomorrow is another easy day, I pick up Jac so she can have surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids and then she'll stay here for the next week to recover.
Friday is surgery day. I am asking for prayers for my sweet child to make it through with no complications and little pain and easy recovery. No I don't ask for much at all :D
So, there are days when I'm on top of it all, know what I need to do and how to do it and how to just be THERE. But there are days, today is one of them, that I just don't know. I don't know what I need to do, what I should do, much less HOW to do it.
I thank God that I have no desire to give up, give in or get dragged down. I just wish things were clearer and more obvious. I know BIG picture what I need to do, I know most of the details but I don't know exactly how to get there, how to get there God's way, how to get there WITH my family intact, or rather, as intact as it can be.
I am laying on the couch, in pain AGAIN, wishing I could make things different for my kids. Wishing I could go back in time and make a huge difference in all the things that should have just been normal stuff that all kids experience that mine didn't because I was depressed, or we were fighting or whatever. I wish I could change the things that happened that kids shouldn't have to go through, shouldn't have to deal with.
However, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Well, my kids are going to be Hercules then aren't they? I mean, they have dealt with so much. I know it sounds selfish because there are kids with special needs or kids with cancer or all kinds of 'worse' situations. However, for me, for my kids, THIS is their cancer, their disease and it's almost killing them.
It's killed my girls' relationship with each other, it's damaged other relationships.
And I don't know how to fix it, I don't know how to even begin to 'make it better'. Isn't that what Moms are supposed to do? Shouldn't I be able to 'kiss it and make it better'? WHY IS NOT WORKING THAT WAY? Why can I not snap my fingers, click my heels together, wave my magic wand and make it all better?
I know God has a plan, I just wish He'd share the details.
I thank God that I have no desire to give up, give in or get dragged down. I just wish things were clearer and more obvious. I know BIG picture what I need to do, I know most of the details but I don't know exactly how to get there, how to get there God's way, how to get there WITH my family intact, or rather, as intact as it can be.
I am laying on the couch, in pain AGAIN, wishing I could make things different for my kids. Wishing I could go back in time and make a huge difference in all the things that should have just been normal stuff that all kids experience that mine didn't because I was depressed, or we were fighting or whatever. I wish I could change the things that happened that kids shouldn't have to go through, shouldn't have to deal with.
However, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? Well, my kids are going to be Hercules then aren't they? I mean, they have dealt with so much. I know it sounds selfish because there are kids with special needs or kids with cancer or all kinds of 'worse' situations. However, for me, for my kids, THIS is their cancer, their disease and it's almost killing them.
It's killed my girls' relationship with each other, it's damaged other relationships.
And I don't know how to fix it, I don't know how to even begin to 'make it better'. Isn't that what Moms are supposed to do? Shouldn't I be able to 'kiss it and make it better'? WHY IS NOT WORKING THAT WAY? Why can I not snap my fingers, click my heels together, wave my magic wand and make it all better?
I know God has a plan, I just wish He'd share the details.
Habakkuk 3.17-18 "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!"
Without anything, having nothing. Would you say the same thing Habakkuk said? Or would you curse God? Would you blame the government? Would you swear things need to change in your country because it JUST SHOULDN'T be like this? Would you blame the rising cost of health care? Would you quietly make the changes you need to make because you know God is still in control? What would God have you do?
and there are no grapes on the vines;
even though the olive crop fails,
and the fields lie empty and barren;
even though the flocks die in the fields,
and the cattle barns are empty,18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD!
I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!"
Without anything, having nothing. Would you say the same thing Habakkuk said? Or would you curse God? Would you blame the government? Would you swear things need to change in your country because it JUST SHOULDN'T be like this? Would you blame the rising cost of health care? Would you quietly make the changes you need to make because you know God is still in control? What would God have you do?
So, I'm a nice mommy. I drove 3 hours so my 14 year old could hang out with some friends, one is a friend she met at church camp last summer and the other is a young man that she met through the first friend. Cody, from camp, is a 19 year old who is just absolutely the sweetest guy ever. He's super protective and hates to see people upset. He's also a Christian and stands firm in his values and morals, which I appreciate all that much more. Through him (and Xbox), the 14 year old met a young man who turned 16 this past week. She likes him so much she BAKED for him last night before we came up...yup you heard me right. The girl child who hates to do anything remotely resembling work around the house baked.
This boy, I'm impressed so far. He has strong morals and refuses to back off of them for anything or anyone. He's a good influence on her, she's been getting up in the morning so they can talk before he goes to school. She has been doing stuff around the house and she's just doing better. I'm so thankful.
So, now I am sitting in Culver's working on my business plan for my coffee shop. I'm wondering how long they will let me linger before I get booted. I'm still eating so I'm hoping they won't push me out the door until after noon at least ;) Gives me another half hour minimum ;)
This evening I'm taking the girl child and her boy-friend (I refuse to put the two together for awhile yet ;) ) to Olive Garden because I'm awesome like that. He already decided I'm cool...I said something while she was on Skype with him and he thought it was hilarious, I guess!
So, I guess we've moved into *that* age. I have to share my baby girl. It's bittersweet, but I know it's bound to happen, right?
Can I use getting up at 6 on a Saturday as my 'helping others' for today? What do you think?
This boy, I'm impressed so far. He has strong morals and refuses to back off of them for anything or anyone. He's a good influence on her, she's been getting up in the morning so they can talk before he goes to school. She has been doing stuff around the house and she's just doing better. I'm so thankful.
So, now I am sitting in Culver's working on my business plan for my coffee shop. I'm wondering how long they will let me linger before I get booted. I'm still eating so I'm hoping they won't push me out the door until after noon at least ;) Gives me another half hour minimum ;)
This evening I'm taking the girl child and her boy-friend (I refuse to put the two together for awhile yet ;) ) to Olive Garden because I'm awesome like that. He already decided I'm cool...I said something while she was on Skype with him and he thought it was hilarious, I guess!
So, I guess we've moved into *that* age. I have to share my baby girl. It's bittersweet, but I know it's bound to happen, right?
Can I use getting up at 6 on a Saturday as my 'helping others' for today? What do you think?
Do you wake up in the morning and tell God what He can do for you or do you wake up and ask God what you can do for Him?
Do you want to walk out that door and be ready to help or encourage whomever God puts in your path or do you walk out your door and look for the people who can 'bless' you?
I DARE you to spend a week getting up every morning asking God what you can do for Him, work your schedule around God rather than work God into your schedule. I dare you.
I'm going to do it and you'll hear how it goes. Share your stories too!!
Do you want to walk out that door and be ready to help or encourage whomever God puts in your path or do you walk out your door and look for the people who can 'bless' you?
I DARE you to spend a week getting up every morning asking God what you can do for Him, work your schedule around God rather than work God into your schedule. I dare you.
I'm going to do it and you'll hear how it goes. Share your stories too!!
Stay with me, this might be a bit out of order but I'm kind of rambly tonight ;)
So, I am/was in school to finish my bachelor's degree in Accounting. Well, some of you know that last summer I had changed from accounting to Christian studies in order to go into ministry full time with my then-husband. I always assumed God meant for us to do it together. Sooooo, when the marriage fell apart so did my 'dream'. I went back to my 'stand-by'. I was going into accounting because there is going to be a lot of good positions opening up when I have the degree, the CPA and enough experience because there are a lot of CPA's in their late 50s right now. So, that was my 'perfect', make a lot of money, plan. Well, I like my job now, I like the bookkeeping but I don't want to be a CPA. The more I look at it the more I hate it.
I realized a few weeks ago, when I was failing my SECOND class EVER, that perhaps I was doing the wrong thing. That perhaps I wasn't supposed to step away from the ministry God called me too. Especially when I realized I wouldn't have been taking those two classes had I stayed with the Christian studies degree >.< That's going to be an expensive lesson!!! I put it to God that if He really wanted me to do this He had to make it pretty clear.
Well, that Sunday, He wrote a sermon JUST for me. It was about being confident and stepping out and taking the risk of doing what He wants us to do. Then I found my way into some groups of entrepreneurs who think my idea is awesome.
So, we are back on track and I'm scared to death, good thing that God walks me through the shadow of death, yes?
So, I am working on setting everything up to open my Christian, steampunk coffee shop. Yup. It'll be open late and there will be all kinds of music and since I'm just that crazy, I'm opening it on a street that is hugely popular, right near the Capital and closed to cars, it's only open to pedestrians, high rent district but there are also a lot of homeless, needy people who hang around the area. There will be work areas for people who work from home, there will be WiFi, there will be coffee and conversation and most importantly, there will be a sense of the REAL Jesus. The one who hung out with the sinners and didn't care for the practice of the Pharisees. The Jesus who told the woman caught in the act of adultery to 'go and sin no more' rather than condemning and stoning her Himself. The Jesus who called Peter to walk on the water with Him, when Peter was an alcoholic fisherman. The Jesus who healed everyone who believed. The Jesus who submitted Himself to public humiliation, abuse and slaughter without so much as a whimper in His own defense.
How many Christians can say that they don't fight to be 'right'? That they don't try to get things 'their' way? Especially under the guise of 'it's God's Word!'. Get over yourselves. Jesus says we'll be persecuted because He was. We aren't going to have it easy here on Earth but we're supposed to continue on and fight the good fight and treat people the way Jesus treated them. With love, care and healing touches.
My coffee shop will be a refuge, a shelter, yes there will be a charge for things, but there will also be a caring hand. It's not like you can't tell who the homeless people are, that they don't stand out like a sore thumb. They will be cared for and no one will be allowed to be nasty to them. Because what we do to the least of these is what we do to Jesus. Would you want to get to Heaven and have Him say, "I was hungry and you didn't feed me?" just because He showed up as a dirty, stinky homeless person? Hate to break it to you but when He was here on Earth, He WAS a dirty, stinky homeless person!!!!!
I am finishing up my business plan, still trying to figure out a name...had one and realized it was too similar to something else here in town so I want to change it. Ideas are welcome!!!
So, I am/was in school to finish my bachelor's degree in Accounting. Well, some of you know that last summer I had changed from accounting to Christian studies in order to go into ministry full time with my then-husband. I always assumed God meant for us to do it together. Sooooo, when the marriage fell apart so did my 'dream'. I went back to my 'stand-by'. I was going into accounting because there is going to be a lot of good positions opening up when I have the degree, the CPA and enough experience because there are a lot of CPA's in their late 50s right now. So, that was my 'perfect', make a lot of money, plan. Well, I like my job now, I like the bookkeeping but I don't want to be a CPA. The more I look at it the more I hate it.
I realized a few weeks ago, when I was failing my SECOND class EVER, that perhaps I was doing the wrong thing. That perhaps I wasn't supposed to step away from the ministry God called me too. Especially when I realized I wouldn't have been taking those two classes had I stayed with the Christian studies degree >.< That's going to be an expensive lesson!!! I put it to God that if He really wanted me to do this He had to make it pretty clear.
Well, that Sunday, He wrote a sermon JUST for me. It was about being confident and stepping out and taking the risk of doing what He wants us to do. Then I found my way into some groups of entrepreneurs who think my idea is awesome.
So, we are back on track and I'm scared to death, good thing that God walks me through the shadow of death, yes?
So, I am working on setting everything up to open my Christian, steampunk coffee shop. Yup. It'll be open late and there will be all kinds of music and since I'm just that crazy, I'm opening it on a street that is hugely popular, right near the Capital and closed to cars, it's only open to pedestrians, high rent district but there are also a lot of homeless, needy people who hang around the area. There will be work areas for people who work from home, there will be WiFi, there will be coffee and conversation and most importantly, there will be a sense of the REAL Jesus. The one who hung out with the sinners and didn't care for the practice of the Pharisees. The Jesus who told the woman caught in the act of adultery to 'go and sin no more' rather than condemning and stoning her Himself. The Jesus who called Peter to walk on the water with Him, when Peter was an alcoholic fisherman. The Jesus who healed everyone who believed. The Jesus who submitted Himself to public humiliation, abuse and slaughter without so much as a whimper in His own defense.
How many Christians can say that they don't fight to be 'right'? That they don't try to get things 'their' way? Especially under the guise of 'it's God's Word!'. Get over yourselves. Jesus says we'll be persecuted because He was. We aren't going to have it easy here on Earth but we're supposed to continue on and fight the good fight and treat people the way Jesus treated them. With love, care and healing touches.
My coffee shop will be a refuge, a shelter, yes there will be a charge for things, but there will also be a caring hand. It's not like you can't tell who the homeless people are, that they don't stand out like a sore thumb. They will be cared for and no one will be allowed to be nasty to them. Because what we do to the least of these is what we do to Jesus. Would you want to get to Heaven and have Him say, "I was hungry and you didn't feed me?" just because He showed up as a dirty, stinky homeless person? Hate to break it to you but when He was here on Earth, He WAS a dirty, stinky homeless person!!!!!
I am finishing up my business plan, still trying to figure out a name...had one and realized it was too similar to something else here in town so I want to change it. Ideas are welcome!!!
So I had blogged elsewhere for almost 5 years. Tonight, while hooking up Simply Dwyn with networked blogs I was compelled to read a few old posts. Sat and read through the entire 5 years. Realized, again, that I always did know how bad things were and just avoided it. Played church. Played the good wife. Played, played, played. Never thought I'd consider myself a player!!!!
Today is a new day. No more games, not with myself, not with my kids, not with God.
No more games, go hard or go home. I'm living for the One who made me. The One who got me this far and the One who gave His Life so I could be free.
Love me or leave me alone. How do you like me now?
(Oh and this message brought to you by lack of sleep, overload of chocolate, love of my kids being here for 5 days straight and the sheer thought of how far away from God I had wandered at different points. So glad I've found my way back to Him.)
Today is a new day. No more games, not with myself, not with my kids, not with God.
No more games, go hard or go home. I'm living for the One who made me. The One who got me this far and the One who gave His Life so I could be free.
Love me or leave me alone. How do you like me now?
(Oh and this message brought to you by lack of sleep, overload of chocolate, love of my kids being here for 5 days straight and the sheer thought of how far away from God I had wandered at different points. So glad I've found my way back to Him.)
So, it's Easter weekend. People talk about Jesus on the cross, Jesus in the garden, the darkness and earth shaking when He died. They rejoice in the resurrection.
However, we miss something that I find to be VERY important. The disciples. Everything they believed up until that fateful weekend. Then, their entire world fell apart.
Have you ever spent 'dry' time? When you don't hear from God? When you almost wonder if He's even there? You know, those times where you stay home from church because 'what if they can tell that God isn't talking to me?' Yeah, those times. The times where no amount of tears and pleading and begging will reconnect you.
That was 'Easter weekend' for the disciples, for the women who followed him, for everyone who believed that Jesus was King. Not only were they afraid for their physical lives but for their spiritual ones too. If Jesus was not who He said He was then they had walked away from the Jewish traditions and were guilty of betrayal as well.
Just sit in that for a bit, we all want the good feeling that Jesus brings. We want the "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." (Luke 6.38) We want the future that God has promised - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jere 29.11) We want THOSE things. We forget that Jesus said "Do you remember what I told you? 'A slave is not greater than the master.' Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you." So we will be persecuted, not always by the people around us because we don't always fight flesh and blood. Ephesians 6.12 tells us "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." So, they heavy desperation, the depression, the sadness, the darkness, the plea for help to God that seemingly goes unheard...that is what we need to fight against. Just as the disciples did.
They had to fight against that same set of demons. It started in the Garden, with Jesus (well, it really started in the Garden with Adam and Eve but I mean for the disciples) and won't finish until Jesus comes back again.
I am leaving you with this video on Easter Eve. Do YOU remember the Garden? Do YOU remember Jesus' prayers? Do you remember the REAL reason why Easter Sunday was such a relief? Will you let your weight be lifted when you recall that Jesus DID rise again on the 3rd day?
However, we miss something that I find to be VERY important. The disciples. Everything they believed up until that fateful weekend. Then, their entire world fell apart.
Have you ever spent 'dry' time? When you don't hear from God? When you almost wonder if He's even there? You know, those times where you stay home from church because 'what if they can tell that God isn't talking to me?' Yeah, those times. The times where no amount of tears and pleading and begging will reconnect you.
That was 'Easter weekend' for the disciples, for the women who followed him, for everyone who believed that Jesus was King. Not only were they afraid for their physical lives but for their spiritual ones too. If Jesus was not who He said He was then they had walked away from the Jewish traditions and were guilty of betrayal as well.
Just sit in that for a bit, we all want the good feeling that Jesus brings. We want the "Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full--pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back." (Luke 6.38) We want the future that God has promised - "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." (Jere 29.11) We want THOSE things. We forget that Jesus said "Do you remember what I told you? 'A slave is not greater than the master.' Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you." So we will be persecuted, not always by the people around us because we don't always fight flesh and blood. Ephesians 6.12 tells us "For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places." So, they heavy desperation, the depression, the sadness, the darkness, the plea for help to God that seemingly goes unheard...that is what we need to fight against. Just as the disciples did.
They had to fight against that same set of demons. It started in the Garden, with Jesus (well, it really started in the Garden with Adam and Eve but I mean for the disciples) and won't finish until Jesus comes back again.
I am leaving you with this video on Easter Eve. Do YOU remember the Garden? Do YOU remember Jesus' prayers? Do you remember the REAL reason why Easter Sunday was such a relief? Will you let your weight be lifted when you recall that Jesus DID rise again on the 3rd day?
The pain pushes against me
it takes my breath away
you share your pain with me
I think I'll be able to breathe again
but then you drop the weight
and I can't breath
Promises of truth
Promises of better actions
start to lift it again
but time and again you just drop the weight
letting me suffer
letting the pain get to me
can't you just let me die?
Why do you insist on torturing me?
Giving me just enough air to think I'll make it
Only to cut me off again
leaving me foggy headed and disoriented
I can only lash out because I'm blinded by the lack of oxygen
I don't care where I hit
I want to hurt you back, I want to watch you bleed
I want to tear you apart and make you feel my pain
but still I realize
I can't....breathe.
it takes my breath away
you share your pain with me
I think I'll be able to breathe again
but then you drop the weight
and I can't breath
Promises of truth
Promises of better actions
start to lift it again
but time and again you just drop the weight
letting me suffer
letting the pain get to me
can't you just let me die?
Why do you insist on torturing me?
Giving me just enough air to think I'll make it
Only to cut me off again
leaving me foggy headed and disoriented
I can only lash out because I'm blinded by the lack of oxygen
I don't care where I hit
I want to hurt you back, I want to watch you bleed
I want to tear you apart and make you feel my pain
but still I realize
I can't....breathe.
Do you like to people-watch? I love it. It's possibly one of my favorite things to do. You will see some of the most amazing things while people watching. I've watched homeless men feed birds, when they themselves are hungry. I've seen husbands and wives love each other unconditionally, I've seen children in awe of small wonders.
I enjoy the outdoors for people watching more than I do the indoors, except when Santa is at the mall. That brings out a whole new level of 'crazy' and it's rather amusing.
I can't wait for spring/summer when it's warm enough to spend time on State St just people watching and snapping pictures.
~Simply Dwyn
I enjoy the outdoors for people watching more than I do the indoors, except when Santa is at the mall. That brings out a whole new level of 'crazy' and it's rather amusing.
I can't wait for spring/summer when it's warm enough to spend time on State St just people watching and snapping pictures.
~Simply Dwyn
Silent Snow
screams loudly from the sky
piling up around my car
tucking it in with a nice fluffy white blanket
the brisk air filled with moisture and precipitation
hurries the walkers and the bike riders and the people crossing the road
it distracts me at my desk, watching the giant flakes rush to the ground
as if it's a race to the finish, a duel to the death
the mound of flakes all melt together
Each is individual but they seem to stick together as if they don't want to be different
They want to blend in and not seem different
perhaps we should stop emphasizing how each one is unique
and just comment that they are all white
or all cold
or all just simply precipitation
perhaps we should just let them be mindless, faceless little flakes waiting for the their turn through the snow blower of life.
screams loudly from the sky
piling up around my car
tucking it in with a nice fluffy white blanket
the brisk air filled with moisture and precipitation
hurries the walkers and the bike riders and the people crossing the road
it distracts me at my desk, watching the giant flakes rush to the ground
as if it's a race to the finish, a duel to the death
the mound of flakes all melt together
Each is individual but they seem to stick together as if they don't want to be different
They want to blend in and not seem different
perhaps we should stop emphasizing how each one is unique
and just comment that they are all white
or all cold
or all just simply precipitation
perhaps we should just let them be mindless, faceless little flakes waiting for the their turn through the snow blower of life.
Trapped inside myself
hating what I say
hating what I do
my life is a struggle
Every day brings a challenge
Do I go over the mountain?
Do I go through the tunnel?
Or do I sit at the foot of the mountain declaring it's too big?
I can see what I should do or say
But then I watch myself do exactly the opposite
I am trapped in my own mind...
struggling to escape.
~Simply Dwyn
Pepsi or Coke, how about a smoke?
that crap makes me choke
you have a choice to make
it's your heart to break
it's your claim to stake
but you make my body ache
smiling in your easy chair
with that come-hither stare
you make the choice so easy
it really isn't fair
hand me the can
I'm your biggest fan
and in the end, we know who'll win
It's a decision to make
a heart to break
but
I choose you
cold
refreshing
Mountain Dew.
~Simply Dwyn
hating what I say
hating what I do
my life is a struggle
Every day brings a challenge
Do I go over the mountain?
Do I go through the tunnel?
Or do I sit at the foot of the mountain declaring it's too big?
I can see what I should do or say
But then I watch myself do exactly the opposite
I am trapped in my own mind...
struggling to escape.
~Simply Dwyn
Pepsi or Coke, how about a smoke?
that crap makes me choke
you have a choice to make
it's your heart to break
it's your claim to stake
but you make my body ache
smiling in your easy chair
with that come-hither stare
you make the choice so easy
it really isn't fair
hand me the can
I'm your biggest fan
and in the end, we know who'll win
It's a decision to make
a heart to break
but
I choose you
cold
refreshing
Mountain Dew.
~Simply Dwyn
I like to 'free write'...some of you may remember this from English class and shudder but I've always enjoyed it. I can do it in minutes and all I need is a word to start with...if you're brave post a 'word' or phrase in the comments and I'll post a free write using it ;)
I'm going to share a few on here that I've written in the past! We'll start with my favorite ~I wrote this on 8-28-09 and it's called 'Tinkerbell':
Should of, would of, could of... Don't should on yourself, hell, don't should on me, in my general direction, near me even...go should in your own space and let me be go on now don't be that way you just wish you were me, living my life but it's not daisies and roses it's more like dandelions and tomato plants, sometimes they look beautiful and sometimes they are diseased and gross and sometimes they turn white and blow off into the wind. What will you do then? Will you follow the little white tufts as they blow down the street under the cars and into the sea? I can't chase dreams, or people, or stars or cars. I can live in the here and now and be who I am and see what I see and feel what I feel or I can fade away into oblivion waiting for the end of time to arrive waiting for me to finally give in and say good night, but I don't want to go gently into that good night I want to kick and claw and take all ya'll with me. Heaven is just up those stairs and you can get there with just a little prayer, a lot of love and a sprinkle of faith. No pixie dust needed, Tinkerbell is a bitch anyway, she wanted Peter all of herself, he was her puppet, her toy for eternity and that Wendy girl was going to take him away.
I'm going to share a few on here that I've written in the past! We'll start with my favorite ~I wrote this on 8-28-09 and it's called 'Tinkerbell':
Should of, would of, could of... Don't should on yourself, hell, don't should on me, in my general direction, near me even...go should in your own space and let me be go on now don't be that way you just wish you were me, living my life but it's not daisies and roses it's more like dandelions and tomato plants, sometimes they look beautiful and sometimes they are diseased and gross and sometimes they turn white and blow off into the wind. What will you do then? Will you follow the little white tufts as they blow down the street under the cars and into the sea? I can't chase dreams, or people, or stars or cars. I can live in the here and now and be who I am and see what I see and feel what I feel or I can fade away into oblivion waiting for the end of time to arrive waiting for me to finally give in and say good night, but I don't want to go gently into that good night I want to kick and claw and take all ya'll with me. Heaven is just up those stairs and you can get there with just a little prayer, a lot of love and a sprinkle of faith. No pixie dust needed, Tinkerbell is a bitch anyway, she wanted Peter all of herself, he was her puppet, her toy for eternity and that Wendy girl was going to take him away.
I revel in the pain
of your self-inflicted misery
I yearn to point out
your stupid mistakes
my tongue aches
from biting it
for days or months on end
keeping your delusions of grandeur
to myself and from your eyes
But the lies begin to pile up
and my tongue begins to bleed
I can taste the acrid smell
and feel the warm fluid
I open my lips
to speak the truth
and you smile and nod
with your smug little grin
and I sigh
close my mouth
swallowing the bitter taste you leave....
~Simply Dwyn (copyright 6/15/10)
of your self-inflicted misery
I yearn to point out
your stupid mistakes
my tongue aches
from biting it
for days or months on end
keeping your delusions of grandeur
to myself and from your eyes
But the lies begin to pile up
and my tongue begins to bleed
I can taste the acrid smell
and feel the warm fluid
I open my lips
to speak the truth
and you smile and nod
with your smug little grin
and I sigh
close my mouth
swallowing the bitter taste you leave....
~Simply Dwyn (copyright 6/15/10)
I can't decide if I like the b&w of Jac better than the color one or vice versa, what do you think? I am using the top one for today for the project 365 and the bottom one for tomorrow since it's so dang late at night. Besides then I can post something else here tomorrow. I have a few ideas, but also the girls have therapy tomorrow night so I may be indisposed. I will however be taking my camera with me tomorrow to work because I'm out and about in the morning at a client site! Good picture taking spots around the area!!
Well, first off I joined Project 365, you can find me at Simply Dwyn (I think this link should work, please let me know!) And second off, this is my daughter, Kira ~ she's 14 and loves my prayer shawl. She wraps up in it constantly and will put it over her head or in this case, put the fringe over her face...I actually got her to let me take a pic of it today!!!!
According to the Merriam-Webster website:
1. a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
1. a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions
2.a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust
3.: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs <the Protestant faith>
That's the technical definition of faith. However, Hebrews gives us a good picture of what faith looks like. Hebrews 11.1 (NLT) "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see."
Some people view this as 'name it and claim it' or 'blab it and grab it'...they want to believe that this means God will give us a brand new Mercedes if we just believe it enough. That is not the case. This means that if our desires fall in line with the Bible, with God's will and we continue to believe for it then we will get it. An easy way to look at it is the simple salvation message ~ We cannot see God, we have not met Jesus in the flesh but yet, as Christians, we believe that the Bible is true...that God exists and that Jesus was born and lived not just as a teacher or a prophet or a good person but as God in the flesh, Son of God, Messiah. We believe that His death brought His resurrection and our salvation. That is faith, that is the confident assurance that we are going to go to Heaven if we believe and our belief is the evidence of what we can't see.
I gave up trying to put faith to work on material items, I put faith to work on the salvation of others and that events will come to pass with joy and praise of the King rather than grumbling and groaning. I put faith to work in my life, each step I try to give to Him. Am I perfect at it? Hardly. I stumble more than I walk. I trip and fall but each time Jesus reaches out and picks me and dusts me off and says, "Good try, let's do it again."
What do you put your faith to work in or on?
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